By Posted on Posted in Guides

Question:Looking for advise for an anal beginner. What are the best toys to start with?

Reply1:It is best to start your fingers, and work your way up to toys, First invest in a good lube, Have fun.Start with your fingers like Two Grand said, then work up to toys that are the same size/length of your fingers

Reply2:Warm up with a finger (with nicely trimmed nail) accompanied by plenty of lube, then proceed to use a silicone plug like the Mood Naughty in size medium or large. The Mood Naughty’s long and narrow neck helps the plug stay snugly in place and prevents unwanted slippage.

Reply3:Start slow, small, and slippery! Don’t let your eyes be “bigger” than your butthole, start small and work your way up in size…don’t go too big too fast or you’ll not want to try it again. Oh yeah…LUBE, don’t forget the LUBE!!

Oh man, I didn’t do ANY of that with my first time of anal.
We just kind of tried it. We had lube, which was good. It was a little painful, but mostly pleasurable.

By Posted on Posted in Guides

Okay, so let’s say you and your husband are into anal play, and you want to take it a step further. You are both comfortable with the idea of anal sex, but you feel like you need some pointers to help you get started.

“Here are some things to keep in mind when you are ready to try anal sex:”

— Amy Barbour

Anal sex is easily achieved by some couples, but a little harder for others. It can be difficult to learn to accommodate your husband’s penis. Most women need to start out with something smaller and work their way up to it.

Use copious amounts of lube. I cannot stress this enough. While the vagina self-lubricates, the same cannot be said of the anus. It will be in your best interest to put lube on both places (your anus and the object being inserted). In fact, if your husband is down there with his fingers or a plug, just tell him to keep the bottle of lube with him!
Start out with your husband’s finger. Seriously. He can easily use a finger cot or glove if he wants. If you like the feelings you get from his finger, then that is a good indication that you may be ready for a little more. If his finger is uncomfortable to you or feels strange when inserted, then you may ultimately not like anal sex. You may be on this stage for one night or several months before you are ready to move on to anything else.
Move up to a small anal plug. Anal plugs come in so many sizes now and are relatively inexpensive. You and your husband can even pick one out online discreetly to avoid potential embarrassment of physically going to the toy store (although I think that’s part of the fun!) You can also try having your husband try and insert two fingers at this point. The goal here is to get your anus used to something slightly larger fitting in there. Again, some of you may have absolutely no problem with this stage either, or it may feel kind of foreign to you. Make sure that you experience having an orgasm while trying this, so you’ll know what you are getting yourself into! (Remember to use tons of lube!)When you feel you are ready to try full-blown anal sex, then start slowly. You may be surprised at the difference in size between an anal plug and your husband’s erect penis. I will tell you that getting the head in is the biggest hurdle, and after that it’s easier. Just go slowly and start out with very shallow mini-thrusts. By that, I mean to just barely thrust enough to get most of the head in. When you feel like you are able to take more in, then take it a little further. Remember to add more lube each time you take in another inch. Make sure you are in a comfortable position. Some positions are tighter for anal sex and other positions are more relaxed and may work better for you. So if you aren’t able to achieve penetration in one position, it’s possible that another may work for you. Here are some good positions we have that work for anal sex:Rear Entry
Standing T
Doggie Variation
The Screw
Recovery Position

If it feels uncomfortable to you, stop. Do not force it if it hurts. You could potentially damage yourself.
I encourage you to take it slowly, and don’t get upset if it doesn’t work immediately. Some things take time, patience, and practice. Once you have it down, try adding a vibe to your clitoris at the same time! Many women who like anal sex, also like experiencing double penetration as well, so that may be something worth looking into.

If you and your husband are interested in anal sex, then you’ll also need to decide on going bareback or wearing a condom. The use of a condom is cleaner, and you can always remove the condom for regular vaginal intercourse afterwards. If you decide to go without one, just remember that you should never re-insert his penis (or finger) into your vagina after it has been in your anus. That is a sure fire way to spread bacteria and get an infection.

So talk to your spouse about your expectations and/or concerns. Make sure that you are both comfortable with whatever decisions are made. You may try this only to find that one or both of you don’t like it. If that’s the case, then there are hundreds of other ideas and positions to try. Pray about it, take it slow, and HAVE FUN!

By Posted on Posted in Guides

GGG is a term first coined by sex writer Dan Savage. Not only is it a good road map for healthy relationships, but those that follow it report a higher level of satisfaction in their love life.

My husband and I strive to make sure we are both satisfied with our sexual lives. Sometimes this means that one of us may have sex when we aren’t necessarily in the mood, or are in the mood for something different than what is being suggested. There is lots of compromise and negotiation. Often we may say, “OK, today we will do [what one of us suggests], but tomorrow we will do [what the other suggests].” We want to please not only ourselves, but each other. I never thought there was any term that classified what we do other than “healthy sexual relationship,” but it turns out that Dan Savage of the column Savage Love coined a very specific term a few years ago: GGG.
GGG stands for good, giving, and game. Good, as in striving to be “good in bed.” For us, this means research, understanding, communication, and being in tune with each other. We don’t just want to muddle through sex; we want to do it well. We read books and articles. We compare notes with other couples. We pick up tips and tricks.
The giving portion of GGG means “giving equal time and pleasure.” In our relationship, this means ensuring that both of us are getting our needs met. This can be emotional or physical, including but not limited to the opportunity to reach orgasm if an orgasm is desired, no matter what the activity. Of course, either one of us can and sometimes do say that we don’t need an orgasm on a given day, but mostly we ensure that we both at least have the ability and opportunity. Giving equal time also goes back to compromise. Maybe he wants a position that I’m not crazy about, but he agrees to try a different one later. Maybe he doesn’t like a position pillow in that position, but I’ll move it to a different position after a while. Both of us ensure that not only are our own needs met, but we also make sure that the other has everything needed to be satisfied.
Finally, we come to game. In this context, game means to be “game for anything–within reason.” This is where it can get a little tricky and it is very important that both partners understand that “within reason” is added to the rule for a reason. This doesn’t mean making demands or pushing boundaries that one or both partners aren’t comfortable with being pushed. For us, this means being open to new positions, toys, pillows, and activities. It does not open the door for belittling or abuse. If you try this with your partner and one of you says, “You have to do this. It’s part of being game,” then something has gone wrong.
Interestingly, scientific studies back up the premise of GGG as it applies to healthy relationships, especially the being game part. Studies show that when a person is happily open to trying new things for the sake of a partner and feel good about the change, they may experience a higher level of satisfaction in the relationship. However, being open-minded solely for oneself hasn’t been found to have an impact on satisfaction.
We never knew there was a term for the way we run our relationship. We just considered ourselves loving, giving, and open to the needs of each other. Now we have a term to describe our relationship more succinctly.

By Posted on Posted in Guides

Today’s article is going to focus on an activity called facesitting. We are going to learn what it is, how to do it, why people like it, and some safety concerning it.

What is Facesitting?
Facesitting is literally how the name sounds. It is where one person sits on another person’s face. Facesitting, or sometimes called queening, brings one person’s face in contact with another person’s anus or genitals, either forced or “consensual.” Once the genitals or anus of the top have been brought into contact with the bottom’s mouth, oral sex if performed. The top can also grind down, wiggle, and move around on the bottom’s face.
Normally, facesitting involves a female on top and a male or a female on the bottom. This is because genital contact is more common than contact with a person’s anus and a male cannot facesit from the top. It just does not work physically. An erection goes upwards, so a male can’t have oral contact with a person below him. Facesitting is typically considered to be part of BDSM because it can easily be used to create a dominance and submissive dynamic and humiliate the bottom if that is desired.
Why Would Someone Partake In Facesitting?
There are two main reasons why people typically partake in facesitting. It is either for the sensual experience or for a BDSM type scene.
The first is because certain men enjoy the sensation of being very intimate with a woman’s sex organ. There is a specific taste associated with vaginal secretions that may be pleasurable. There is a smell associated as well that many people find erotic. Having a person on top of you exerts pressure and that can be pleasurable and heighten the experience even more than ordinary oral sex. There is often a darkness so all your other senses such as taste, smell, and touch intensify making for a highly erotic experience. Some women can “squirt” and will discharge large amounts of fluid upon orgasm. This can be very exciting for a male to have this happen on his face. Oftentimes males do not get physical proof of an orgasm, so having it directly on their face can really solidify their ego. They feel like sex gods and can do anything. It just makes you happy to be able to pleasure your partner.
The second is for a BDSM experience. A part of BDSM is establishing a submissive and a dominant dynamic. Facesitting almost inherently creates this as one person is on the top and the sole purpose of facesitting is their pleasure. The experience also creates an altered physical strength between the two partners. When you are sitting on another person’s chest and face it is a lot easier to control their movement. Even if you are weaker than your partner, they might not be able to get up because you are on them. The bottom gives up control and is unable to do things he normally is able to do. He also gets no genital contact. His pleasure comes second. His ability to be pleasured and have sex is diminished making him second to the dominant. Some people really enjoy a D/S dynamic and facesitting creates an ideal environment to do it.
Safety
In order to facesit, you cover a person’s mouth and nose to a certain extent. This does add some risk to it. The nose and the mouth are where people breathe from, so if you restrict them too much, you can cause harm to them. This is further complicated by the fact most people’s tongues only stick out of their mouth a few inches. So you have to be very close in order for someone to perform oral sex on you. However with some practice you can find comfortable positions where you put some pressure on the bottom but not too much that it restricts their capacity to breathe in a meaningful way. This does take practice and communication. It is also good to have a signal that things are getting too intense. An easy one is for the bottom to tap the top’s buttocks or thighs in a “tap out” manner which will signal they need air and for the top to come up and allow them to breathe. Safewords, loud mumbling, or shaking can all be safety features that accomplish the same thing. Whatever works for you.
Additional Possibilities
There are other dimensions you can add to facesitting. The first is to have the bottom in bondage. He is therefore forced to perform oral sex and this can add humiliation, helplessness, and a feeling of submissiveness, all things that people enjoy. Tie his hands to his side with wrist and thigh cuffs. Tie his hands to the side of the bed. Restrain his hands to his side with belts. Put him in a straightjacket. Any form of bondage will work that prevents him from easily moving around. Do be careful though. There is an additional safety risk. If he cannot tap you to tell you he is running out of air, then there is some more risk. So just be careful and communicate lots and have a way he can still signal.
There are pieces of furniture called queening stools or facesitting stools. These are specific forms of furniture that make facesitting easy. The bottom places his head in a box, and then the female just lowers herself onto the top of the box and he performs his duties. Now these can be quite expensive and EF does not sell them. However you can make your very own. If you are handy with wood, you can make one with relative ease. But the other option is to find a chair that has a cushion you can lift up. You lift up the cushion so there is just a hole and no cushion. You then just trim the legs until it is a good height. You can then sit or straddle the chair. The bottom’s head goes under the chair (so it is under the hole). You get the same style of furniture without much effort. If you did not want to trim the chair, you could just put the bottom on a pile of cushions until he was at the right height.
Stimulating the Top
Although the tongue can be used, the male’s nose can also be used for stimulation. The female can grind around on it causing contact with her clitoris or vagina. This can also provide stimulation. What works is going to depend on each person. But a good place to start is just sitting still, then add some movement (the top), then experiment until you find what works for you.
Hopefully you now have an understand that facesitting involves one person sitting down on another person for genital or anal stimulation. People do it for both the sensual and the BDSM aspect, and that it is a safe activity as long as you think about what you are doing. If you have any questions or personal stories feel free to leave them in the comments.
I did use gendered words during this article. That is because facesitting is typically done with a male on the bottom and a female on top. You can however switch this up if you so choose.

By Posted on Posted in Guides

For some, there is nothing sexier than rubbing against a lover’s smooth skin. Yet for some of us shaving can be a pain. Without the promise of some sexual favor to come, it can be hassle not worth undergoing. So how do we give our lover the smoothest skin possible and still make it worth our time and effort? That’s simple, combine the two. Here’s how…

“Shaving is a really depressing task when you know you’re not getting laid that night.”

— ZJ22

If you and your lover are going to undertake the rather sexy task of shaving each other you’ll need to know a few key things, and have the right tools. Start with the basics, the razor. There are tons of razors available on the market, and whether you’re using a disposable, a more expensive razor, or an electric, there’s something for everyone. Water, that’s a very basic need but an important one nonetheless, and while shaving some areas is recommended dry, you’ll still need water to wash and rinse with. Next on your tool kit list should be shaving cream or gel, you can choose whatever scent or variety you like, but it’s a must for the smoothest shave possible. Another option is a shaving bar, this is the kind of lathering ‘soap’ specifically for shaving that most barbers use and is applied with a brush. Men tend to adore this stuff so it can be a real treat for them. You’ll also want a dry clean towel, a wash cloth, trimming scissors, shaving oil, and some after shave. If you don’t want to face the sting, or the smell of most traditional aftershaves, try using witch hazel or an aloe vera gel instead. Now that you’ve got your tool kit assembled, it’s time start shaving.

Men:

On a man there are several areas you could shave, there’s the face, chest, and even scrotum. Starting with the face is a good way to set a mood for cuddling, comfort, and maybe a bit more later on. Line up your supplies and soak your razor in a glass of cold water. Usually you would use hot water for soaking your blade but when it comes to facial hair it’s good to use cold, as hot makes the blade expand and dull, this is especially true of disposable blades. In the case of a full beard start off with a set clippers or scissors to trim the longer hairs. Sit on a countertop facing your man, legs spread wide so that your knees are pressed to their hips as you trim their longer hairs. This will give you both a great vantage point for shaving and create a closeness and intimacy. Next, wash your lovers face, rub your hands over their cheeks and jawline, working the cleanser in. Use a hot washcloth to wipe all the soap away when you’re done. This is the perfect opportunity for you to trace their lips with your fingertips and steal yourself a sweet kiss. Now apply shaving oil, rub it in your hands and then massage it into your partner’s facial hair. Make eye contact as you do this. Keep eye contact as you brush on the shaving cream or gel. Use swirling motions to spread it across the area you’re going to shave. Pick up the razor and begin shaving. Start on one side and work with small sections, towards the other side of his face. Use short, light, downward strokes moving with the grain. Pull your lovers skin tight and position their face as you go with gentle movements and light teasing. When you’ve finished, rinse your loves face with a wet cloth again, taking care to make sure you got all the lather and stray hairs off. Run your hands across your lover’s face and go over any places you missed until you can rub your face against your mans without pain or discomfort. Rinse your loves face with cold water and pat dry, this will close the pores and keep skin smoother for longer. Using witch hazel, rub it into your love’s face to sooth any cuts and prevent razor burn. Clean all tools with care and rub your face against your love’s again. With this kind of treatment, you can be sure both you and your lover will enjoy the shaving experience.
If you and your lover want to trim off some chest hair or even give it a completely bare look you’ll want to use a blade with pivoting head and multi blades. Start by trimming the hairs short, place a comb flat on his skin and trim over the comb with small scissors. Wash the area with warm water and an exfoliating scrub. Next you’ll want to rub on shaving oil; this will make shaving go smoother and remove much of the risk of cuts or nicks. Apply shaving cream; take this chance to tease your man’s nipples as you spread the lather. Hold their skin taut, and shave against the grain using short strokes and taking care around nipples and collar bones. The more curves you have to deal with, the greater the risk that your partner may be cut during shaving. Rinse the remaining shaving gel and stray hair with warm cloth, pat dry and apply unscented lotion, or apply witch hazel.
Working your way further down your lover’s body you may wish to shave their scrotum or ball sac. Many women, and men, enjoy this look and feel, especially while performing oral, so it’s no wonder this is a popular area to shave. There are two ways in which to do this, with an electric razor, for which you’ll need the area to be completely dry, or with a standard razor blade. If you’re using the standard blade start by sitting on the edge of the tub or a low stool have your partner stand with legs spread wide and gently use a warm washcloth to wipe your loves scrotum. Using a mild soap wash and rinse them with a warm cloth. Be careful not to pinch the sensitive flesh. Soak razor in warm water for a few minutes while you wash. Put a dab of shaving cream in your palms and gently rub it in. Using a standard razor pull the sacs apart and the skin as tight as you can without hurting your man. Use small short strokes to shave each and between them carefully. You will need a lot of light for this. To use an electric razor you’ll need to pat the testicles dry after washing, and then apply baby powder to them. This will help absorb any excess moisture and make them easier to shave without injury. Pull the skin tight again and use a circular motion to remove hair. Rinse your blade frequently to avoid build up. When you’ve finished rinse scrotum with a warm wash cloth and pat dry again. You’ll definitely want to avoid using any aftershave in this area, as the alcohol may irritate the sensitive skin.

Women:

A woman’s body has just as many sexy fun areas to shave as a man’s does. There are legs, naturally, the bikini line, and even the shaving of the armpits can be sexy. To shave your ladies’ legs, crawl into a bath together, and make sure the water’s comfortably warm. You don’t want to be too hot or too cold, as that will cause the skin to dry out and become more susceptible to nicks and cuts. It might be most comfortable to have her sit behind you with her legs stretched over your shoulders. Spread an exfoliating wash in your hands and then rub it down her legs, washing away any dead skin cells. Rinse the exfoliating scrub off and apply your shaving cream. You can use almost any razor for this job so long as it’s sharp. Shave against the grain, moving up the legs for a closer shave. Clean your blade often and use medium length, and give straight strokes. Rinse and repeat on the next leg, rubbing your hands down their lengths when you’re done to check for missed areas, and to feel up your lover. Pat dry and apply a nice moisturizing lotion, and enjoy the feel of her smooth legs.
For many, armpits aren’t highly erotic zones but most would agree that shaving your armpits is preferred. To make armpits hair-free and sexy starts with a shower or bathe to soften the skin and hair. Now ask your lady love to raise her arms and tell her to keep them behind her head, this will help to hold the skin taut. Apply a shaving gel, it doesn’t need to be very thick but will add a good lubrication for shaving. Armpit hair grows in all directions so start by shaving down in vertical lines, then up the same way. Next shave side to side, but try not to go over the same area too many times as this might irritate her skin. Rinse her armpits using a warm wet cloth and take the chance to lightly tickle and tease her. Pat dry and repeat with the other armpit. She’ll need to wait at least half an hour before applying a deodorant as the area is highly sensitive, but now she can put her arms down and around your neck to hold you close.
Shaving the bikini line is a very sensitive subject, and a sensitive area. To make this easier have your lover lay down on her back on a towel after a warm bath or shower, with legs slightly spread. Start by trimming the hairs short, just as with trimming off chest hair. Press a comb flat to her skin and trim the hairs with a pair of small scissors. Now use a gentle exfoliating scrub and warm wet washcloth to cleanse the area. Spread shaving oil over the remaining hair, locking eyes with her as you do. Repeat as you apply shaving cream. For this you’ll want to use a good razor with multiple blades and a pivoting head. Using a disposable razor is unadvisable as they won’t be as sharp and may cause more irritation and cuts than necessary. While shaving, make sure to go with the hair growth and then against, cleaning the blade often. Rinse her with a clean warm wash cloth, cleaning away all the excess hair and shaving cream. Pat dry and moisturize with a light unscented lotion.
Doing these things for your lover will make them feel pampered, special, and help to set the mood. Now you can rub your bare (in more ways than one, right?) skin against one another.

By Posted on Posted in Guides

Have you ever wondered exactly what the difference is between whips and floggers? Well here is your answer, along with examples of each.We all have heard of at least one of the following: whips, floggers, cat o’ nine tails, bull whips, riding crops, canes, or even others. What all of these have in common is that they are classified as whips. Whip is an umbrella term that includes a couple of sub categories. Within these sub categories, they are broken down even further.

The two main sub categories are firm whips and flexible whips. Firm whips include canes and riding crops among others. What identifies a firm whip is that the majority of the length of it is sturdy with little give. Canes are primarily made of rattan, bamboo, or a sturdy artificial material. A good example is thisBamboo Cane. Generally the only part that would be wrapped is the hand grip, otherwise there is nothing to soften the impact. Riding crops are designed in much the same way, a sturdy shaft and handle, but differ with the fact that they are wrapped in leather. They also have a flat, flared piece of leather at the end, which creates a wider, flexible impacting surface. This Riding crop is a traditional one used in play.
Flexible whips have different ways of grouping them. No matter how you decide to group them, you will have groups within groups. To start with, you have your single tails. These include your bull whips, dragon tails, buggy whips, and various others. Buggy whips and bull whips have a cracker on the end of the fall, which is what makes the crack sound that we all know. Dragon tails and some of the others do not have the cracker on the end, which makes them a little bit less likely to break skin.
You also have quirts, which are generally a single piece of leather that is split into 2 or 3 tails at the tip. There are some specific types of quirts which will have more or fewer tails.
Floggers are generally considered to have multiple falls or tails, and includes everything from about 5 falls to over 20 falls. The most well known of these are cat o’ nine tails and scourges. A cat o’ nine tails is a specific type which has exactly nine falls and may actually have a butt of a shaft as well. Not all cats have a shaft but it is the traditional way they were made. The scourge has many varied uses but the primary one is ritualistic and religious. In some religions you do it to yourself, while others it is done by a person of status. No matter how it is done, the reason is the same, to rid yourself of the skeletons in your closet (or your sins). There are also ones that are simply referred to as a flogger. These are the ones that are not made to specific specifications and can vary vastly. A few examples of the variety of floggers are theFluffy Flogger, the Icicles No. 38, the Rubber Whip, and even the Sensua Suede Whip. While the names of some of these imply that they are whips, they are technically flogger whips.
Depending on the type of whip used and how, there will be different sensations created ranging from pain to relaxation and pleasure.

By Posted on Posted in Guides

Today’s article focuses on a problem that many men face with the introduction of a toy, and that is envy and feelings of inadequacy in the face of a vibrator. We will discuss how to overcome this and why you will never be replaced by a vibrator.

We vs. Me Mentality
One thing I have noticed in forum posts, online discussions, and personal discussions is that men compare themselves to vibrators. They compare the length of their penis, the girth of their penis, and how their penis can’t vibrate. But the first thing you need to realize is that you are not in a competition with a vibrator. A vibrator is not a replacement for your penis. Men get this “me” versus the vibrator mentality where everything is compared to one.
There is a reason why vibrators vibrate, come in bright colors, have patterns, and have different lengths and girths. It is because they have to differentiate themselves from your penis. They have to find a niche market where they can actually compete. You are not competing with vibrators; they are competing with you. They have to have new and novel features to compete with you and be sold.
So understand that you and a vibrator are distinct entities, that each is unique, and each provides something different. It is not a head to head competition. It is far better to think of the vibrator and you as a “we.” You complement each other and create something better together. So the first thing you need to get comfortable with introducing a vibrator is to stop the vibrator versus “me” mentality and think of the two of you as a “we.”
Things A Vibrator Cannot Do
The reason a vibrator should not be compared to you is because a vibrator cannot do many things. There is a distinct feel to a penis. It is warm, it changes because it is flexible, it can ejaculate, it swells before orgasm, and it just has a unique texture and feel to it. When you are having sex with someone, they feel your breath, you can kiss them, you can talk to them and whisper sweet nothings to them, you can moan and groan, your body creates warmth, your hands move, your movements are unique each time, and you exert pressure on her. These are all things unique to you that no vibrator can ever replicate. There is a human aspect that is so random, so unique each time, and so dynamic that it is really something special.
The biggest thing a vibrator cannot do is create an emotional relationship. A vibrator cannot tell you it loves you. It cannot surprise you with gifts, cheer you up when you are sad, it cannot love you, it cannot make you feel safe, special, or excited. These are all human things. And sex is so much more than just an orgasm. Sex is about a connection to someone. It is about an expression of your feelings. It is about intimacy. Again these are all qualities that you have that are far more important than a vibrator. When you ask someone what the most important part of their relationship is, no one says the number of orgasms they have. And that is really why a vibrator cannot replace you, because it cannot create a relationship.
Communication
Now I can tell you a bunch of reasonable, logical things, but chances are there is still going to be some doubt in the back of your mind. You are still going to have that emotional response that makes you want to smash that infernal toy. The only way you are really going to get rid of that anxiety is to sit down and talk with your partner. You need to have a heart to heart and share your insecurities. Feel free to say they are unreasonable and you want them to go away. Feel free to share your worries and your feelings. That is fine. If she is truly an understanding partner, she is going to explain how you will never be replaced. She can calm those insecurities and help you understand the things she personally likes about you best. If you are jealous at all, sit down and have a conversation. It will do so much to help you understand what she likes about sex, what she likes about you, and chances are afterwards you are going to have even better sex than before.
What Happens When you Introduce A Vibrator?
Something to think about is what happens after you introduce a vibrator. From personal experience, friend’s experiences, and online reading, it is that vibrators actually increase the amount of sex you have. You might be asking yourself how that is possible. Well the more of a good thing you have the more you want of it. How often do you have an amazing dessert and think about it for the next day? How often do you get a craving for something super delicious? Well the same thing happens with a vibrator. A vibrator makes sex better. It creates a “we.” You create a compliment. It works great for foreplay. It works great during your refractory period. It lets you have clitoral and vaginal stimulation simultaneously. And when the two of you experience better sex, you want more sex. You get a taste of something amazing and it is always on your mind. It draws you back again and again. So realize that a vibrator will not replace you, but it will in fact make you more valuable than you used to be. You now become more desirable.
So if you have vibrator envy, realize you are unique and a vibrator will never replace you. It will only ever compliment you. Realize that you likely need to sit down and share your fears and work through them. And also realize a vibrator might get you lucky more often.

By Posted on Posted in Guides

Today I want to look at masochism and help those who are not masochists potentially understand why someone might enjoy pain.
I wanted to write this article because of the initial difficulty my girlfriend and I had and the initial difficulty I have seen others have. For many people, it is hard to understand how another person would choose to cause pain to themselves, or say that pain is a pleasurable sensation. Yet this is exactly what a masochist will tell you. So I wanted to write this article to help understand why another person would like pain. I think when you do it is easier to accept your partner and also provide that stimulus they want. I do want to say though that masochism is a highly individual experience. Each person will give you different reasons. The list I have created is largely personal, but from what I have read and talked to others about, it seems to be quite common in terms of why people say they enjoy it.
Trust
The first reason pain is enjoyable is because allowing another person to inflict pain upon yourself requires huge amounts of trust. If you hand a paddle to someone and tell them to spank you, that requires trust. If you let someone flog you, that requires trust. If you let someone stick needles in your, it requires trust. If you let someone bite you, scratch you, dig rope into you, do anything to your body, it requires trust. There are potentially serious consequences if they do it improperly. When someone paddles me, they can cause too much pain. They could cause internal bleeding if they hit the wrong spot. They could cause nerve damage. They could cause bleeding. They could seriously harm me. But I consent to that risk because I trust them and love them. The more risk there is, the more trust is required. And normally inflicting pain on a person involves more risk. So part of masochism to me is that it really allows me to bond with a partner, to develop love and affection. It allows a connection and a closeness that can exist outside of BDSM, it can exist outside of masochism, but to me masochism facilitates that relationship and makes it easier. So when someone says hit me, realize that is a sign of respect and trust.
Endorphins
The second reason I love pain is because of endorphins. Endorphins are your body’s feel good hormones. If you have ever heard about morphine, it is an opioid which mimics your endorphins. They decrease pain, increase happiness, and make you feel good. Runners get cranky when they stop running for a day because they are short of endorphins. Trauma also causes a release of endorphins. So a part of pain is actually pleasure. It is that release of endorphins and that surge of feeling good. It is my guess that masochists are slightly different in how they deal with pain and release above average levels of endorphins or respond in a greater magnitude. I have never found any data backing that up, but it seems reasonable. When I experience pain brought on by my partner, there is pain and discomfort, but that is quickly replaced by a warm buzzing sensation. People describe highs. They talk about “subspace” and how they just drift. That is caused by those endorphins. So realize your experience to pain is not the same as everyone else’s and that sometimes people feel more good than bad when it comes to pain.
Pride
There is a joy in overcoming an obstacle. There is contentment and utility in pushing yourself hard. The same exists for masochists getting through a session. When your dominant or top wants to push slightly harder than before, when they want a longer session, or to hit harder, or you want a longer session, or to be hit harder, there is a pride and a sense of accomplishment. You feel as though you achieved something. You let yourself be in an uncomfortable position for a long period of time to please your partner. Or to push yourself and build your willpower and determination. That pride and success adds to your mood when the session is done and provides a driving force when you are in pain. It adds mental stimulation to your sessions and provides you with happiness when it’s done. So part of your partner’s masochism might be out of pride and a sense of accomplishment of being able to push themselves and grow.
Not All Pain Is The Same
I just want to end off on something too, which I think helps understand a masochist better. Not all pain is the same. This was a hard concept for my girlfriend to understand too. But just because I am a masochist does not mean all pain feels good. In fact there are lots of types of pain I absolutely dislike. But there are good pains too.
The difference is this. A bad pain feels bad and continues to feel bad. A good pain tends to start out feeling bad, but then ends up feeling really good. My point here is that masochists still do feel pain, they still dislike things, and they still avoid certain things. It is just that some things you register as pain are different to them and are also associated with good feelings. This is also why it is important to negotiate and understand what your masochistic partner wants (as well as them understanding your wants).
So hopefully you now understand why our partner might like pain and enjoy the sensation. My hope is also that this potential understanding can bring you closer together and allow you to grow as you understand each other better. As always if you have any questions ask in the comments. If you want to know about any specific experiences or more detail I will be happy to answer.

By Posted on Posted in Guides
Back in the day when I was in the middle of puberty, I was intrigued by the allure of older women. My father had a roomer in those days. She was a woman from the Delta, curvy and plain speaking, so comfortable in her body. I couldn’t get enough of her.
Six months after her arrival, she started meeting me in her rooms after school. She was a great teacher in the art of love. She was forty and I was in my mid teens. It was a revelation to see her fully undressed, a cram course in adolescent desire, and the classes were easy to learn from her.
One lesson involved the alchemy of sensual touch and stroking, while another showcased the many areas of the carnal kiss. One other class yielded the various sensitive zones of the breasts where an eager young mouth and fingers could lick and fondle to the teacher’s delight, and yet another one featured the magic of oral sex, all done with sizzle and passion.
However, this older woman never bedded me. No penetration. I was disappointed in that, but those master classes of lust and love have carried me through life to this present day. I was a very good student.

Coo Coo Ca-Choo, Mrs. Robinson

Which brings us to the matter at hand: the current red-hot MILF porn trend, and why it continues to thrive. The concept of a sexual mentor tutoring a younger person, be it any sex, is age old. In fact, the MILF, the American Pie slang for “Mom I’d Like To Fuck,” means that America has—at least partially—shaken off its Puritan cloak and grown up.
Witness the screen myth of Mrs. Robinson, the Desperate Housewives or the gal-pal quartet of Sex And The City. Maybe society has turned a moral and cultural corner in accepting the unbridled sexuality of older women without labeling them as cradle snatchers or loose women.
Nina Hartley, a porn superstar/columnist/sex educator, feels the graying of America has opened the door for this rising MILF trend. “The porn industry has endorsed the MILF films because Boomers are aging and want to see people who look like them—especially Boomer wives, who control what porn is brought into the house.”
Hundreds of porn starlets audition and do films every year. A few—like Sasha Grey, Bree Olsen, Stoya, Kagney Linn Karter, and Tory Black—go on to mainstream success, but most vanish or sink without a trace, meanwhile, MILF performers are enjoying a stream of steady work, or a career renaissance.
Hartley reports that stars from the ’80s and ’90s may be older, but they’re still working and hugely popular. “What makes for a great MILF is a good attitude—liking to have sex and letting it show—and being in shape for her age,” she says. “And it’s good to have a calm and mature mind.”
There’s very little physical difference to be seen in Nina Hartley, “then” and “now.” She remains a looker and totally in demand as a MILF queen. Other former stars in the business have resurfaced and become fan favorites: Ginger Lynn, Rayveness, Midori, Julia Ann, Amber Lynn, Nikki Hunter, Debi Diamond, and Keisha.
Lisa Ann, a star performer during the Golden Age of Porn in 1980s, recently returned to the industry for her award-winning role as Sarah Paylin, and as a regular MILF empress. The actress closed a successful talent agency to concentrate on filming and directing. “I didn’t really expect my career to take off like it has in the past three or four year,” she says. “I’m at this point where I’ve got a few years left and I really want to make the most of it.”

Hard Times Can Be Good Times

While most traditional porn took a major hit when the economy tanked, MILF porn was able to maintain its steady—and growing—niche. At a time when the adult industry began to rely more and more heavily on celebrity sex tapes, TV show parodies, Brazilian drag queens, and Asian nymphets for fiscal survival, profits continued to pour in to the studios from the MILF legends with their younger lads and lasses.
Perhaps a clue to the MILF genre’s ongoing popularity lies in some of the titles:Momma’s Boy, The Mommy Experience, I Want to Cum Inside Your Mom, Mama Likes It Big, Momma Knows Best, Moms Gone Wild, Hot Moms In Heat, MILF Worship, Mommy Likes It Black, Wanna Fuck My Daughter—Gotta Fuck Me First, Mommy Issues, and Mommy Loves Salami. There’s something for everyone.
With its 2010 win, one of the most treasured MILF series, Seasoned Players, has earned actor-director Tom Byron the AVN Awards for two years in a row. If you want to know what the gold standard of MILF porn is, this series—which features such legends as Lisa Ann, Ginger Lynn, Raylene, Kelly Nichols, Teri Weigel, Amber Lynn, and the incomparable Nina Hartley—is it.
“Seasoned Players is my baby,” Byron told AVN Magazine. “To get recognition for it is great, but to win Best MILF series back to back is just awesome.”

It’s Unconditional, Stupid

Whenever the MILF fad is mentioned, there’s always talk about sexual peaks in biology, the younger guys hitting their stride in their late teens or early 20s and older women in their early 40s (sort of like Mrs. Delta and myself). A few years ago, AARP released a study that said 34 percent of all women ages 40 to 60 were dating younger men. Who knew?
All this Mommy talk has its basis in facts, according to Dr. Betty Dodson, the famed sexologist and author of Sex For One: The Joy of Self Loving and Orgasmic Women. “Most young men just naturally love their mothers. After all, it’s the first love affair they experience. And the titty dinner they get during breastfeeding is enduring. Those men who were bottle fed end it up tit obsessed. A mother’s love is unconditional. She loves you no matter how fast you come or how fucking dumb you are.”
Mick Farren, legendary sci-fi novelist and cultural observer for AVN Magazine, agrees. “It’s classic. It’s as least as old as Oedipus and his mom. It’s Dustin Hoffman’s choice in the movie, The Graduate. Who would you want to fuck: Katherine Ross or Anne Bancroft? The answer is both. And there’s the other side of the coin: It’s older women getting some vigorous youthful dick.”
Currently, MILF porn flicks are going through a series of offshoots in various categories and configurations, no longer catering solely to males, but to female as well, gay and transgender demographics. As Nina Hartley concludes, “The Boomers will continue to dominate the culture until we’re all dead. It’s the bulge in the python metaphor. As we age, we’ll keep sex front and center. Sooner or later, there’ll be ‘Geezer Porn,’ I’m sure!”