The release of ‘Bend Over Boyfriend’ by Dr. Carol Queen and the gang at Good Vibrations in 1998, seems to have sparked a strap-on phenomenon between heterosexual couples. With sales of strap-ons leading the way in the sex toy market, it’s clear that strap-on sex is quietly being embraced by our society. But where does the love of strapping on a dildo come from? Is it a newly discovered sexual pleasure?

1. Throughout the ages there are signs and clues left behind of dildos being used to worship fertility gods, in rituals, for sex and were even used as baby mobiles in ancient Greece. Did anyone ever think to strap on one of these dildos? As with most of humanity’s sexual history, the advent of strap-on sex is hidden within a few precious artifacts, ancient mythology, writing, and even paintings.

2. The oldest known relic that’s believed to be a strap-on is from the Upper Paleolithic Period; c10,000 bc.

Amongst the many artifacts that appear to be dildos, a double ‘baton’ has been discovered with a hole in the middle. Archeologists theorize that this hole is for a strap to hold it to the wearer. There’s also a Japanese wooden strap-on dildo that’s been discovered.

3. Archeologists have also found an oriental double ended dildo carved from jade dates that dates back to the 10th – 13th century. Being made from Jade, it’s clear that this was once a prized procession of the owner.

4.Ancient Egyptian mythology also gives a glimpse of strap-on pleasure with their belief that the ebb of flow of the Nile River was caused by Atum’s (the god of creation) ejaculation. This sparked the ritualistic ejaculation of Pharaoh into the Nile River. The strength of the rain was thought to correlate to the strength of the pharaoh’s ejaculation. It’s believed that to ensure an abundance of rain, the pharaoh’s wife would massage his prostate with a phallus while he sat on her lap and masturbated.

5. Clues of strap-on use are also found in murals decorating the walls of long forgotten brothels and bathhouses. In the Suburban Baths at Pompeii Italy, a mural has been unearthed which depicts a threesome with male anal penetration. Another mural at Pompeii that’s especially exciting, shoa woman penetrating another woman as well as males with a strap-on according to Roman Scholar John Clarke. These murals seem to prove that sexual exploration as well as strap-on sex was embraced and celebrated in ancient Italy. It’s no wonder the bathhouse were such a popular place.

6. Another ancient painting, from Athens and housed the Corinth Archaeological Museum, portrays a female figure dancing, while wearing a strap-on dildo and a tail, before a seated Dionysus.

It’s believed that most ancient Greeks and Romans regarded women who took upon themselves the role of penetrating as having oversized clitorises to please their lover with. Roman mythology is also full of gender bending tales. Such as Hermaphroditus the son of Hermes (Roman Mercury) and Aphrodite (Venus) which is described as being both male and female. Also, Macrobius describes a masculine form of “Venus” (Aphrodite) who has a beard and male genitals, but wore women’s clothing. Belief in this mythology survived through Greek and Roman cultures as seen is sculptures of Aphroditos, a female figure who pulls up her woman’s clothing to reveal male gentiles.

Not only through artifacts and art, strap-on sex is also found within many ancient writings. Such as in the poetry of Herodas, a 3rd century bc Greek poet. Found on recycled papyrus that was used to wrap mummies one of Herodas’ Mimes describes women going to a cobbler for dildos that were carefully stitched from scarlet leather and are described as being very soft, ‘like the real thing’. He makes mention of straps but doesn’t expand on their purpose.

In the writings of Seneca the Elder’s Controversiae, a Roman writer, refers to lesbians as Tribades who use strap-on dildos. Likewise, Seneca the Younger, a Roman philosopher makes mention in Epistle Morales ad Lucilium of women penetrating men. Strap-on sex is also talked about in the Secret History of Prociopius; where Theodra, wife of the Emperor Justinian, is depicted as penetrating the ‘hinder parts’ of her male lovers.

7. Hibreas, a Roman Orator, is thought to have once said of Tribades, ‘I first examined the male to know if it was natural or stitched on’. Likewise, Marcus Valerius Martialis, a Latin poet, portrays Flinene Pedica as a Tribate who sodomizes the boys more heated than a husband and ‘fucks eleven girls or Boys in a single day’.

Also, in Affairs of the Heart by a Latin satirist, a direct reference to strap-on dildos is made.

“Therefore, if even men like you, Callicratidas, can find satisfaction in women, let us males fence ourselves off from each other; but, if males find intercourse with males acceptable, henceforth let women too love each other. Come now, epoch of the future, legislator of strange pleasures, devise fresh paths for male lusts, but bestow the same privilege upon women, and let them have intercourse with each other just as men do. Let them strap to themselves cunningly contrived instruments of lechery, those mysterious monstrosities devoid of seed, and let woman lie with woman as does a man. Let wanton tribadism — that word seldom heard, which I feel ashamed even to utter — freely parade itself, and let our women’s chambers emulate Philaenis, disgracing themselves with Sapphic amours.

And how much better that a woman should invade the provinces of male wantonness than that the nobility of the male sex should become effeminate and the male play the part of a woman, as a woman can strap to themself these instruments and do a male as a male!”

If that isn’t enough to paint a picture of what strap-on sex might have looked like in ancient times, we find even more examples. Such as in the writings of Hipponax, a 5th century Greek poet who describes a female using a strap-on on a Greek male. Also a tale vivid tale of strap-on sex is found papyrus which was recycled to wrap a mummy was recovered at Oxrhynchus in Egypt.

In Lydian tone she said, “Come hither, I will plug up your tight asshole.” And she beat my egg sack with a sprig of lilac as if I were a satyr. I fell backwards, breathing heavy…”

8. A very similar passage occurs in the Satyricon of Petronius, which describes the sexual pleasures of the Emperor Nero Oenothea brought out a leathern dildo which, when she had smeared it with oil, ground pepper, and pounded nettle seed, she commenced to force, little by little, up my anus. The merciless old virago then anointed the insides of my thighs with the same decoction; finally mixing nasturtium juice with elixir of southern wood, she gave my penis a bath and, picking up a bunch of green nettles, she commenced to strike me gently all over my penis and belly below the navel.

A tale of female dominance is found within the ancient writing of Inanna and Ebih. Not only is a story of the goddess dominating Elbih recorded, but there are also descriptions of elaborate cross dressing transformation rituals.

 9. It’s also found that strap-ons were seen in ancient Greek Theater where male only casts would wear gigantic phallus attached to their waists in satyr-plays.

No matter how obscure the history of strap-on sex remains, one thing’s clear; strapping on a dildo isn’t anything new. It’s been enjoyed by both female and male lovers alike throughout the ages. From the brothels of Pompeii to the hidden sex chambers of Rome, sexual exploration has historically been embraced by celebrated. Given the popularity of ancient dildos and the acceptance of male anal pleasure, it isn’t a far leap to conclude that strap-ons have played a role in sexual enjoyment throughout all history.

Fetish Related Prostate Health

“What is fetish related prostate health?” I hear you cry. Don’t despair; This is here, as always, to give you the facts. Whether you’re the sort of person that spends hours at the gym, watching your food intake, or you simply like to relax and hope for the best, we have just the medical motivation to inspire your best workout ever. Stave off prostate related health problems whilst experiencing orgasmic anal action with this simple, yet satisfying procedure. Staying healthy has never been so exciting!

So what is prostate milking/massage? It is the process of releasing fluid from the prostate by stimulating the gland. During your normal orgasm only a small amount of the alkaline amalgam from the prostate is released. Over time, a build up of this fluid can become stagnant causing bacteria to grow. This is often the culprit of prostate disease.

Most health care professionals agree that expelling fluids from the prostate every three weeks is beneficial for maintaining a healthy gland. Research suggests that men who fail to do so are at a greater risk of developing prostatitis, benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and prostate cancer.

Although prostate massage should always be used as a preventative measure rather than a cure, in cases of chronic prostatisits it offers an incredible form of pain relief. It is also essential for men with impotence and chaste males in order to keep the seminal fluid flowing and prevent a build up in the prostate.

Here at tryfm.com, we don’t like to scaremonger, but we do like to deliver you with the facts; so here are just a couple…. Research shows that prostate cancer is the most common of cancers amongst men, and it is predicted to be the most common cancer overall by 2030. The lifetime risk of a man developing this deadly disease is 1 in 8.

So, what are you waiting for?

Safety First!

TryFm WANTS YOU… to be safe! We hope that you know by now, your safety is our number one priority. That’s why we want you to care for your prostate, but do so safely. So follow these useful tips and we promise that your medical procedure will be as pain free and pleasurable as possible.

Remember; less is most certainly more when it comes to applying pressure to your prostate.

Don’t:

  • Press hard onto the central area of the prostate
  • Massage if you have prostate cancer – milking can transport the cancer to other parts of the body
  • Massage the prostate if you have acute prostatitis as it can cause the infection to spread
  • Milk the prostate if you have calculi (small stones in the prostate) as it can increase the risk of tearing or scratching the gland

Do:

  • Trim the fingernails
  • Wash the hands
  • Consider wearing a latex glove if using the finger
  • Go to the toilet before getting started
  • Use plenty of lubricant
  • Stop if you experience any pain
  • Check with your doctor prior to milking if you have any health concerns
  • Use an enema or douche 3-4 hours before massaging with a toy

Getting Started

So you’ve decided to give your prostate some much needed care and attention, but you’re unsure of how to find that elusive ‘P spot’? Well, there are four main ways to embark on this anal adventure, and to show how much we care we’ve detailed them for you below. We like to make things simple for you here at TryFm, so follow these straight forward instructions and you’ll be on your way to experiencing perfect prostate pleasure in no time. We recommend that the finger is used as a starting point, as it allows for easy insertion and optimum comfort.

Internal Massage with Finger

  1. Assume the position: We recommend lying on the back to aid relaxation
  2. Lube aplenty: Lavish lubricant in and around the anus, as well as on the finger
  3. Pre-arousal: Gently massage the testicles, penis and perineum
  4. Spread em: Move the buttocks apart and gently massage the rectal opening
  5. Open wide: Insert the finger slowly and gently into the anus (approximately 1 inch). Gently move the finger around, without going deeper
  6. Deep exploration: Insert the finger in an upward direction towards to navel
  7. Be gentle: When you feel soft rounded tissue, the size of a walnut, you have reached your destination
  8. Massage: Gently stroke the sides of the prostate in a ‘come here’ motion, avoiding the centre all together
    • For intensified orgasm
  9. Finger Fun: When orgasm is approaching, move the finger in and out of the rectum
  10. Penis Pleasure: Gently massage the penis
  11. Success: When orgasm is achieved, semen will flow lightly from the penis

Internal Massage With Probe

Are those fragile fingers not quite hitting the spot? Then a probe may be the preferable option for your medical procedure. A probe allows for easy insertion and pain free pleasure. Don’t forget to sterilise your instrument before use.

Internal Massage With Toy

Want to achieve optimum results without getting those hands dirty? Prostate massagers are ergonomically shaped to really hit the ‘spot’. So if you want optimum results, derived from minimum effort, TryFm recommends the following devices;

External Massage

If you’re not one for diving in at the deep end, the same results can be achieved by simply performing an external massage on the perineum. Run the fingers between the base of the penis and the anus until you feel a slight indentation. Gently massage that area to stimulate the prostate. This method may induce an immediate erection and can, as with internal massage, result in ejaculation.

With all of these methods, orgasm is achieved on average between 15 and 20 minutes. The sensation will be somewhat more subtle that what you are used to, but just as, if not more, satisfying. Don’t go harder if no fluid escapes, it just means that there is not an excess amount sitting in the prostate at this time.

Chastity & BDSM Play

So you want to milk your man, but you don’t want him to derive any pleasure from it whatsoever? Here at TryFm we know that you care about your slave’s long term health, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t want to see him suffer in the meantime! It is particularly important that a chaste male has his prostate milked at least once a week to keep his juices flowing. There’s no need for the device to be removed, but make sure he cleans it well afterwards. To ensure that your man doesn’t encounter any pleasure from this activity, try numbing the penis and testicles with ice beforehand, and definitely don’t provide any other form of arousal.

Which Lubricant Should I Use?

In order for everything to run smoothly with your new endeavour, lubricant is a ‘must’. It is possible to use both silicone and water based lubricants for this type of play, but remember to never use silicone based lube with silicone toys as it will degrade them. When it comes to prostate milking, we prefer to stick with a water based lubricant, that’s why we recommend a splash of the following lubes to get you going;

Ask Cara: Women’s beginner’s guide to giving a man anal pleasure (& helpful top tips)

Question

I’ve started a new relationship with a man and it turns out he wants me to give him anal pleasure. I’ve only ever been with one guy before who liked it and it was a very short relationship so we didn’t dabble that much. I know things like keeping my nails short and using lube but after that I am pretty clueless! I know how I like my ass played with but that’s me, and I’m a woman – I have no idea what I am doing with a man. Could you possibly explain how to give anal pleasure to a man, or some kind of beginner’s guide? Some helpful top tips would be really awesome! Hoping you can help.

– Anon

Answer

Hi there and thanks for your question. Anal play is a sensitive subject (pun entirely intended) for all parties involved. As you may be aware, the tissue and lining inside the anal area is quite thin and prone to tears and rips if not treated with the utmost respect.

 

  1. Always use lube. I cannot emphasise this enough. Lubricant is mandatory for anal play. I don’t mean a quick spit on your fingertips before shoving them in with a whispered prayer either; I’m talking about honest-to-goodnesssex lube. You can choose from water based or silicone, there are even thicker formulation lubricants available especially for anal sex and use with anal sex toys. They’re less likely to run too fast and dribble into a messy puddle beneath. You can also make sure it stays where intended and feel where it’s going – no matter what the lighting in the room is like.
  2. Work slowly. Rushing when it comes to anal pleasure does nobody any good – at least not until there’s a decent about of lubrication, little to zero friction and everyone’s passionate in the heat of the moment. This is especially true for newbies to anal play. Things in the bottom seem larger than they appear so start very small, smaller than you’d think. Edge the tip of a pinky finger inside to begin with, aided by lubricant (I may have mentioned lube already).
  3. In a similar vein, if you want to introduce anal sex toys to him then start off very small. There are various butt plugs for beginners and a static one first of all (as opposed to a vibrating butt plug) may be less intimidating and help him get used to the shape and feel inside him. Only use sex toys with a flared base for anal play as this will stop them from being ‘sucked up’ into the body. Other ideal anal beginner toys are multi butt plug sets which let you experiment with different sizes, as well as inflatable options which give you the versatility of a small or large butt plug and everywhere in between – as well as a quick release valve in case of panic.
  4. Give additional pleasure while experimenting with his anal region. This is quite tricky, as it’s natural to want to see what you’re doing. Extra and familiar pleasure helps him relax and allows you to explore his ass with your fingers if you’re giving him a fluid, well lubricated hand job at the same time, paying attention to his testicles as well as his shaft and penis tip, of course. In later sessions you might feel confident enough to kiss and suck his penis, giving a languid and thoroughly stimulating blow job while you probe his anal area slowly.
  5. When giving anal pleasure to a man, you would do well to be aware of a little something called the prostate. A little walnut shaped something, to be precise. This gland is located fairly deep inside the anal canal, on the upper wall if the man is laying face up. You should be able to just about stimulate it with a fingertip or two but it takes practice – and again, more lube. Use a beckoning motion with your finger and watch him squirm in pleasure. You’re right to keep your fingernails short! The prostate is the epicentre of a man’s anal pleasure. When correctly stimulated, the prostate can lead to full body orgasms like your man has never before experienced. For more on this subject and a great deal of in-depth, expert knowledge, I highly recommend Charlie Glickman’s The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure (here at Amazon.com:https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1573449040/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1573449040&linkCode=as2&tag=carsut-20&linkId=IYPA6HZHSU3LTH3N). It’s a must-read for everything prostate and male anal  pleasure.
  6. A little housekeeping: don’t use sex toys from anal to vaginal (woman) or share sex toys between his anus and your anus and/or vagina. The anal area is loaded with bacteria which can cause nasty irritations, infections and other medical issues of a nasty nature if you introduce them to other areas on yourself or on another person. After anal play, always make sure you wash all items involved (sex toys, fingers, body parts) thoroughly and use an anti-bacterial soap (or relevant spray, in the case of sex toys). Use a nail brush to make sure you remove any nasties from under your nails.

I hope that this short guide to giving a man anal pleasure has helped – good luck and enjoy your anal adventures together.

Anal sex is an art form of sexual encounters. When done right it can be highly erotic, when done wrong it can turn you or your lover off from anal sex forever. Being safe is one of the keys to ensuring that you get the most out of your anal experience.

There’s nothing complicated about anal sex safety. Yet, in the zealousness of the moment, it’s often overlooked. Unlike PIV sex, spontaneity with anal sex isn’t always a good choice. Instead a bit of planning and preparation can go a long way.

Comfort

Having lube on hand is a must. Since your anus doesn’t create its own lubrication like the vagina does, you’ll need to reapply lube as you play. Lube will keep everything slick and gliding smoothly. How much lube is too much? There’s no such thing. Too little lube, things will drag and pull as you play. Believe me, it doesn’t feel erotic at all. What kind of lube should you use? Water based lube is always the best choice. Because it’s body and condom safe, there’s little to no chance of irritation. When using water based lube, keep in mind that the body absorbs it making reapplying necessary. Also when choosing a lube, remember that silicone oil based lubricant can break down condoms and cause them to tear while being used.

Having manicured nails is also an aspect to consider. Jagged, rough or hang nails can irritate or tare the thin mucus membrane of the rectum. The same goes for toys used in the anus, be sure that they’re free from sharp edges or texture that might irritate the rectum. Also, keep in mind that anything you put in your ass should be made for it. Toys with flared bases ensure that they don’t slip too far in the anus.

Cleanliness

Although not directly related to safety, having a bowl movement the day you plan on having anal sex will cut down on the chance of an accident. Using an anal douche a few hours before you play can also be used to ensure that’s there’s no accidents.

Because the rectum contains bacteria, condoms are a great choice to keep everything clean. They can even be used over your toys. Not only good for cleanliness, condoms will protect you from STD’s.

Latex condoms are anal safe. So are pre-lubricated condoms. However, condoms that are lubricated with nonoxynol-9, often found in some lubricants and used to kill HIV and STD’s , should be avoided. Although it was once widely recommended, now we know that it’s often too harsh for the soft tissue of the rectum.

Condoms today come with a lot of bells or whistles. Many designed for her pleasure are not the best choice for anal sex because the texture can be irritating.

Never share fingers, toys or a dick between your anus and vagina. The anus contains bacteria which can cause infection. Therefore, anything that’s put in the anus should be thoroughly cleaned before sharing it with another area your lover’s body. Using a glove for fingers or a condom over toys, makes it a lot easier to clean up and continue playing.

I always use silicone, glass, metal or wood toys for anal play. They are non-porous, so they don’t harbor bacteria, and are easy to clean with a bit of anti-bacterial soap and water.

Anal sex is an erotic experience for both lovers. Yet, many people avoid it with a ten foot pole because of fears or a past bad experience. Being knowledgeable about the finer points of anal pleasure helps you be a better lover and creates an experience that both you and lover are sure to want more of.

Communicate with your lover, be safe and take things slow and you’re anal sex experience should leave you wanting it again and again.

When it comes to anal play, there’s a lot of information about toys that are fun to use. Unfortunately, there isn’t much about what not to use. Inspired by Ducky Doolittle’s Tantus 2.0 class, I thought this was an important subject to cover and wanted to share some thoughts about safe anal stimulation with you.

Tantus Plugs Many toys look perfect for anal play; however there are many aspects to consider when choosing toys for anal stimulation. Choosing the right toy is important for anal stimulation and can often times be the difference between a fun and erotic experience and a bad one.

One of the most common toys used by beginners is anal beads. Although these are inexpensive and look like fun, they are not the best choice. Anal beads tend to be simply round balls on a string and there can be a few risks involved using them. For instance, the string can come untied, leaving a bead inside of you. Also, after being used, the string can’t be properly cleaned and will harbor bacteria. Also, because anal beads are just that beads which can be a bit painful when inserted and removed. Because they are blunt rather than tapered, they force the sphincter muscles to open suddenly. Often times, this can cause pressure, discomfort or even a slight pain when they are removed.

A much better choice that gives the same sensations as anal beads is the Ripple. Designed by Tantus, it is made from pure silicon and the beads are elliptical. Being made from silicone the Ripple is just like your silicone cookware and can be completely sterilized after you play. Also, the beads are elliptical. This allows the beads to gently open your sphincter muscle and then it closes around the neck between each bead. Because the neck has a bit of girth to it, your muscles don’t clamp down and tight once the bead is in allowing your muscles to stay slightly open and ready for the next bead to be slipped it. With this type of toy, you can choose to insert a couple beads or all of them. They even offer a small and large version of the Ripple for both new and experienced users.

Another mistake that’s often made when choosing a toy for anal play that has a blunt head. Although some may appear to be perfect for prostate massage, toys designed like this can cause a vacuum inside your rectum causing pain or injury when it’s removed. A much better choice is toys that have a tapered head. Not only are they easier to insert, the difference in diameter doesn’t create suction while you’re playing. There are some toys such as the Prostate Health Vibrator, by Tantus, that appears to have a flat head, however there is a slope along the edges that makes it totally safe for anal play. A close inspection of your will reveal whether it’s a true flat surface or not. If you can’t tell from the image you’re looking at online while you shop, Google the toy and search images to get a clear view of the toy you are considering.

When using a toy, be sure that it doesn’t have sharp edges or seams. Some toys have seams that are left behind from manufacturing and are not smoothed down properly. While this doesn’t pose a huge risk when used vaginally, they can damage the thin lining of your rectum by tearing or scratching mucus membrane.

Always make sure that the toy you are using for anal penetration has a flared base. The rectum will suck a toy in while you are playing. Don’t believe me? Slide your finger in and notice how the sphincter draws it into further, the same thing happens with your toy. Toys without a flared base pose the risk of being sucked in all the way making removal next to impossible. A flared base stops at the outer sphincter and acts like a stopper.

Another thing to consider when choosing an anal toy is the material that they are made out of. Some toys are made from PVC, rubber or even jelly. While they may be inexpensive, they pose a few risks. Toys made from material such as these have moving molecules inside of them and the chemicals seep out through the pores. This is why some toys will have a strong odor when you open their box. Many times, people’s sensitive tissue has a chemical reaction to them causing a burning sensation and even chemical burns. I always suggest choosing silicone for all of your anal pleasure. Silicone is non-porous and doesn’t have moving molecules. They have neither smell nor taste, are completely body safe, and bacteria can’t hide and grow in them. Also, silicone is easy to clean up. It can be washed with dawn dish soap, boiled or even placed on the top rack of your dishwasher to be cleaned. However, when washing your toys in the dishwasher, don’t use detergent because it can leave behind a light film causing you to have an adverse reaction. If you adore the texture or feeling of jelly toys, I suggest placing a condom over your toy before using it anally. A condom will protect you from the chemicals and will protect your toy from getting bacteria down into its pores.

Please, never use household items inside of you. In the heat of the moment it may seem like a good idea. However, they are simply not safe. Tubes of tooth paste, shaving cream cans, the handle of a brush, bottles, or anything else you might find lying around truly can harm your body for various reasons. Sharp edges, lack of a proper base, creating suction and other issues can occur.

Hubby and I both want you to be safe while you explore the pleasures of anal stimulation. A trip to the emergency room is something that we deeply desire for you to never have to experience. Choosing toys that are safe is the most important thing you can do to avoid this. Although many toys are marketed for anal play, they’re simply not safe. Please if you ever have a question about a toy, reach out to us or another trusted source to help you decided if it’s safe. There are many sex toy stores online that have a wealth of information to help you make an informed decision and even more sex toy reviewers and educators on Twitter that are always happy to help with any question you may have. Of course, I realize that it may be embarrassing to tweet about sex toys. The DM messaging system is a great way to avoid this or simply search for sex educators online and send them an email through their site’s system. I know that, like me, they’re always happy to help and answer any questions that you may have.

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